Saturday 31 August 2013

Scattered Thoughts + Scattered Me = A Scattered Blog

Hiya my little cupcakes with buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles on top! How are you all on this cold but sunny Saturday afternoon?

So, after reading my blog posts, a few friends and family members have encouraged me to get into writing and pursue a writing career. Now this is extremely flattering! But I've never felt good enough to do so. Now, don't think this is me trying to come across as extremely humble. I genuinely don't think I have what it takes to be a professional writer/book author/columnist.

Writing this blog is a massive hobby of mine. I love writing and getting my thoughts across in a kind of comedic way. It actually acts as a sort of therapy to me; making light of my problems on here helps me make light of them in my head.

For example, today I'm having a bit of a rubbish day which is why I'm sat in bed in my JimJams with half a bottle of shaken Diet Coke by my side. Yes, shaken. I love flat coke. Really, really love it. So I drink half or 1/4 of the bottle and then shake it. This makes it flat. I then wait for it to calm down before opening it and enjoying the sugary taste of flat coke. So, this has made me happy. Well, happier than I was about an hour ago.

Now, I'm well aware that the paragraph above seems irrelevant and silly and pointless. But it's not to me. Because, truth be told, explaining to you the process of making my coke flat has made me appreciate it even more. And it's made me appreciate the fact that it's here, by my side, ready for me to drink to my heart's content. Granted, when I finish it, my gloomy self will probably return and I'll probably spiral into depression again, but for now, I'm happy.

Aaaah! The sweet life of a 19 year old Diabetic with Chronic Fatigue/ME, Leaky Kidneys, Slight Depression and Dodgy Hormones. Don't you just love it ;)

But anyway, I digress as usual. Back to the main topic. What was the main topic?

Ah yes, pursuing a career in writing. So yeah, I didn't/don't think I have what it takes. I mean, there are so many writers out there who are amazing and motivational and inspirational (do motivational and inspirational mean the same thing?) and yet, half of them will never even be recognised because the field of writing is a ruthless one. But for the fun of it, I thought I would look into it a little bit.

That was my first obstacle. I don't know if I have the motivation. My problem is, I want certain things now. I know that a lot of my life's ambitions require hard grafting and I know the steps I need to take to reach them. And I'm prepared to do that. However, the things that just come into my mind of their own accord, I want these right away. For example. writing. I have this vision in my mind that it would be like it is in the films. Someone would read this blog, notice a tiny smidgen of potential and then perhaps contact me with a job. Or a way to help me improve. I know! I'm being selfish, lazy, far-fetched, and stupid. But I can't help but think it. It's like that scene from the old Pixar Movie, 'A Bug's Life':

"No! Harry No! Don't look at the light!"
"I can't help it. It's so beautiful"
*Harry get's fried by the light*

A link to the scene is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTUQyEr-sg0

So yeah, I know it's stupid to think this will happen. And I'm not blindly thinking it will. But it's fun to think about. I kind of have images of Isla Fisher in Confessions of a Shopaholic. You know how she is anonymously that columnist called The Girl in the Green Scarf and people love her articles? Is this accurate or have I just put my own twist on the entire story? Is there even a green scarf involved? Ugh! It's been too long since I watched the movie! But the point is, I have this whole Hollywoodised, sugar-coated view of the industry that I know is completely wrong but I can't help but dwell on it just a little bit.

But the point to the title of this post is this: I posted this blog on a Q&A website just to get some feedback off of people who don't know me. I'm always looking for ways to improve and appreciate feedback and constructive criticism. Even when some comments are hard to swallow, I try to look beyond this and glean the points on where and how I can improve.

Now, a few have said that my blog doesn't have a focus, and this could be an issue. Since my blog is so scattered and random, there isn't a main point to it and this can make it a little pointless to read. And I completely get where they are coming from. It's true, my blog is pointless and I don't have an aim. And I have thought of topics that I could completely focus this blog on; diabetes, shoes, fashion, food, etc.

BUT! I'm not feeling it. I am a very scattered person. I might have a form of mental ADHD (definitely not physical. I'm too lazy to be physically affected by ADHD). My thoughts are random, scattered, often pointless, often far-fetched, and I don't think about one thing for very long. I go off on many tangents wayyyy too often. I never stick to one thought and think it all the way through. . .

Let me demonstrate my thought process to you:

"Flowers are beautiful. I should plant some in my garden. In a plant pot. But then that would attract bees. Bees are cute and furry. So are bears. Aww we don't have bears in this country. They do in Canada though. . . Mmmm Candian Maple Syrup. . . Mmmm Pancakes. I want some pancakes. This is why I'm fat. Let's Google low fat pancake recipes. NO! They'll taste rank. And I cant be bothered to get up. Why am I so lazy? Is this why I'm still single? Why am I still single? . . . *long pause* . . . Maybe I'm meant to be a spinster. Maybe my purpose in life is to be a spinster with lot's of pets. But I wouldn't keep cats. Cats are mean. Why do I love big cats and yet intensely dislike domestic cats? Why am I thinking about cats? Yep. . . Forever alone. Ahhh let's Google some Forever Alone Memes. . . "
 
Yeah. . . So this is my thought process. This is the route to my procrastination. And this all probably reflects in my blog posts. So, I was thinking, I don't think I really want my blog to have a main focus, you know? Maybe I like the freedom of writing about whatever I want. For example, some days, I can write about the Great British Bake Off, and other days I can write about procrastination and ADHD thoughts. I don't really want to be restricted to write about a certain thing, because that would get boring quickly.
 
But what do you guys think? Should I stick to one topic? Or do you think this blog should remain scattered? But if you ever want me to write a post on a particular topic, let me know! I'm open to suggestions!
 
So, I hope you all enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed typing it out! Oh! One last thing. I'd love love love if you guys would check out my friend, Lo Shep's YouTube channels and blog! She is a really good friend of mine and she has some fab vids on varied topics. Some of my faves are of her cats and horses! I don't like cats. But I like her cats. Because they're cute. Lo is also an accomplished horse rider (is that the correct term?) She is amazing and you will love her!
 
http://misslouise0212.blogspot.co.uk/ << All things equestrian ;)
https://www.youtube.com/user/LoSheps0212?feature=watch << Lo's Vlogging Channel (my personal fave)
http://www.youtube.com/DexLoMcKay << Crazy Cat Lady Channel ;) (Lo's cats, Dex & McKay. A MUST see if you love cats)
http://www.youtube.com/user/TPol0212/videos << Lo's Vids all to do with horses =)
 
So yeah, enjoy cupcakes! Hope you all have a glorious day (oh yeah, glorious is my new favourite word. It's just. . . glorious isn't it?!)
 
Keep Smiling Folks!
 
Ditzy xXx


Friday 23 August 2013

Dogs and Cake. . . And Serious Ramblings. . .

Hiya my lil muffins! How are you all on this glorious Friday morning? Most of you are probably at work. Or if you're like me, you're sat on the sofa with laptop on your lap (how convenient), a half drunk cup of tea on the side,  F.R.I.E.N.D.S on on tv in the background (which you're not actually watching. You just have it on as background noise to make you feel less lonely. Also, the familiar voices of the cast and the uncanned laughter of the audience makes you feel nostalgic and comforted... am I right?), and you probably have the remains of last nights make up on your face. Dried up mascara flakes under your eyes, eye liner faintly smeared down your cheek, eyeshadow clinging to your eyelids for dear life, and lip gloss that you've just applied to stop your lips from feeling so dry. And while applying that lip gloss you told yourself that if you had taken the make up off before going to bed last night and put on the appropriate 'night skincare moisturiser range' that you paid extra for in the shop when you only went in to buy day moisturiser, then you wouldn't have dry lips in the first place. Or is this all just my lazy morning ritual that I never actually learn from and/or change?

So yeah, regardless, you're reading this blog. And thanks for giving my blog the time of day. It is hugely appreciated!!! I cannot express that enough.


I am actually on holiday at the moment. Not abroad but I've come to visit my family which has been fab. Just the getaway I needed! I currently have two dogs keeping me company... a Dogue de Bordeaux and a Yorkie. Seriously, the cutest dogs ever. But then again, I'm biased. I look at these pups as my niece and nephew. Because, yes, I have become that crazy woman who buys hair bows for her sister's dogs and talks to them whilst alone in the house. Or sometimes when I'm surrounded by people. I seriously think dogs hold a better conversation than some people. Is that bad? And yes I'm aware dogs don't talk back. But isn't that the beauty of it? And no, I'm not saying they are better to talk to than my family, because my family are great. I'm talking about people in general. We all know at least one person where we'd cross the street/pretend we didn't notice them/hide in a shop just to avoid talking to them.

Anyways, these dogs have been amazing. They've been loyal, they've followed me around the house, they've given me a warm slobbery welcome every morning and they even wait outside for me when I go to the toilet. Yes, these lil cuties have become my lil babies over this past week and I shall miss them intensely when I get back home =(

Oh! The Great British Bake Off is back!! And I have to admit, it's nice to see a bit of old Hollywood on our screens. And when I say 'old Hollywood', I don't mean the movies ;)

So, in all honesty, nobody has really stood out to me yet. I didn't feel an instant like or connection with any of the contestants, but I shall give it time. That's not to say the bakes weren't fab though! Serious admiration for these people! And I was wondering, what do they do with all the cakes? I mean, obviously they wouldn't just bin them because that would just be disgusting with all the poverty around the world. But it's simply too much cake for the Bake Off team/contestants isn't it? So I wonder if they give it away to the public. If so, anyone fancy telling me where? Because I'd definitely be there! So yeah, I look forward to next weeks episode. How very exciting my Tuesday nights have become!

Oh also, I have jumped the 'job hunting' bandwagon! So I'm currently looking for a job, which is rather exciting I must say. Maybe I'm just suffering from 'early job hunting excitement syndrome' and perhaps the pure disappointment of it all will kick in, but at the moment I'm buzzing from it all. *warning* this tone may change completely by my next post so be prepared!

So, I'd better finish off my ramblings and start on some non-productive nonsense. The Daily Mail won't read itself ;) Also, my sister treated me to get my nails done and typing is surprisingly hard to do with long nails. . .

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

Saturday 10 August 2013

Abandonment and Goodbyes: Diabetes, Sugar Cravings, Insulin Pumps, Sadness, Happiness, Weight Loss, Inspiration, Loneliness, Friendships. . .

Well hello there my beautiful cupcakes! How are you all? Scrumptious as ever I hope!

Apologies for the (nearly) one month gap since last writing a post! Things have been pretty hectic with doctors appointments and my (now on the rise) social life. . . Yes! I now have a social life! *SHOCK, HORROR, COMPLETE MORTIFICATION* ;)

So, Abandonment and Goodbyes. Such lovely topics of conversation for a Saturday evening, right? Well, this post won't be all doom and gloom, I promise.

So, since finding out about my kidneys, my docs have now tightened the reins on getting my blood sugar levels sorted, which is brilliant. My control is now fab but my craving's are not. Seriously, I have the ridiculous cravings that should come with pregnancy and I assure you, I'm not pregnant. In fact, I have the cravings of a woman expecting octuplets.

**NB: I'm not sure if the amount you crave depends on how many kids you're expecting. but for effect, let's pretend that the more proverbial 'buns' you have in the oven, the more literal buns you crave. You know the ones I'm talking about. The sweet pastry with the sugar icing dripping deliciously down the sides, crying out "Eat me, eat me. If you don't, I'll die a painful and undignified death by being chucked in the supermarket bins and then gnawed mercilessly on by rats". Yeah. . . them ones. **

So these cravings have been terrible. But I have refrained from binging on junk food. Apart from the occasional KFC (twice in three weeks. . . that's good for me!). The main thing that has motivated me to keep away from the unashamedly calorific isle in Asda is my brother. My brother has done amazingly recently! To me, he has always been the perfect example of how a man should be. People have their dad's to look at for that. I have my brother =)

But anyway, my brother has been dedicated to losing weight for the past couple of months. He wasn't big by any means but he wanting to lose some. And with a strict healthy eating regime and by going on power walks every day, my brother has lost 10.5lbs in two weeks!

Now, coming from a person who thought only a KFC at the end of a walk would make me actually go for a walk, it should mean a lot to you guys to find out that my brother has become my inspiration. Yes, my big brother, lovingly know to me as Shezzy/Shez/Shezalot/Shozes (wow, spellcheck is having a fit right now), has motivated and inspired me to go for more walks. He has been the one I've thought of when craving Aldi's Hazelnut Chocolate, Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream, Gregg's Glazed Ring Donughts, or even my beloved Coca Cola and Milk (Cilk/Moca Mola). He's the one that has inspired me to eat well and be more active.

So just a little note to say thank you Shezzy! And well done!!! You've done amazingly and I'm sooo proud of you. And I love you lots =)

Now, a slightly sombre part of this post is to follow that high note. Patrick aka Patrizio, my soul mate that was my insulin pump, has sadly passed away. Last night whilst doing a set change, he started to play up and after ringing the helpline, I was told that he would need to be replaced. I am currently in a state of mourning, people. Yes, I have grown unbelievably attached to an electronic medical device. I never thought I'd utter those words in my life and yet here I am, typing them out in black and white for the whole world to see. I am officially a freak.

But it is surprising how attached one can get to something so non-human. I mean, I've had this guy attached to my stomach for 19 months. He's stayed by my side all day and all night without fail. I've got annoyed with his beeping, I've appreciated his warnings and reminders, and I've even talked to him. I can't even call 'him' 'it', even though I know he's more an 'it' than a 'him'. Does that make sense? Probably not. Sorry.

So today the delivery man came to give me my new pumps and to take Patrick away. I actually hesitated giving him to the delivery guy. But I was strong. I did it. Patrick is gone but never forgotten. He will always be my main dude and my first pump. Now I have this other one sat on my bed and I need to give him a name. Though in all honesty, I love the name 'Patrick' so much that I might just call this new one Patrick Jr. In memory of old Patrizio.

Though, to be honest, I think I reacted with more emotion to this situation than was necessary due to the way I was feeling before. I felt lonely. One of my beautiful friends got married last weekend. he wedding was spectacular and the bride looked absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for them, I literally cannot stop a smile from breaking out now while I think of them on their special day.

But weddings, as lovely as they are, are the perfect thing to highlight the fact that you're single. And I couldn't help but feel this loneliness since then. I just felt so alone, even amongst my amazing friends! It's all so annoying and confusing. SO here I was, feeling alone and depressed and BAM! Patrick dies on me. I mean, come on! Not even a computer can put up with me for that long ='(

But meh, I suppose it's just one of those things. When a relationship happens, it happens. I just have to try not to mope about not being in one in the meantime.

So on that joy of a note, I shall say goodbye. I need to get ready to go and chill with one of my amazing girlies. Malibu and coke. . . here I come ;)

Oh and just a quick note to say thank you everyone!!! I have hit over 1,000 pageviews and that's all because of you beautiful people! I cannot express how much it builds my confidence and fills me with joy that I have people interested in my random ramblings! So thank you, thank you, thank you! You guys are amazing!!!

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx