Confessions of a Compulsive, Bargain Hunting Insomniac and The Lazy Diet. . . Last post of 2013!!

Well hello there you glorious rays of sunshine! How are you this fantabulous morning? Yep, I said morning. I am awake in the morning. 7am to be precise. Whoever knows me personally will know that I am not a morning person. Currently being in this ridiculous unemployed web that I find myself in, I have no reason to wake up in the morning and therefore will sleep in. Well, I do have reason to wake up. This isn't some cry for help. But call it Chronic Fatigue/ME/Insomnia/Freakishness or a combination of all the above, I've found myself going through a period of what I can only describe as Sleep Paralysis.

It was really weird. I'd wake up at about 9ish (which is early for me but I've found that that's a lie in for Morning People) but I would find myself unable to move. Like, I literally just could not move. I was pretty conscious if not a little weary from sleep and I'd want to check my phone (because I am your stereotypical tech-obsessed 19 year old) but I literally just wouldn't be able to move. And this would either force me to go back to sleep or just lie there until my body caught up with my mind and woke up. Like I said, weird.

But anyway, I've not been sleeping these past few weeks. I'd lie in bed for hours not being able to sleep until something ridiculous like 6am. (Bright side, if this hadn't happened I never would have noticed the smoke alarm I had in my room for two years but only just noticed a few weeks ago in my insomnia driven haze). At first I refused to get up and do something else other than try to sleep. But then I found myself in that typical Insomnia Cycle of thinking and over thinking. I'd think up future scenarios that would never actually happen (and I don't mean the sort where you imagine yourself marrying a guy that you adore but would never have a chance with in real life. I mean imagining a world made of chocolate. . .). Then there's other vital stuff like wondering what I'm doing with my life, wondering what's in the fridge, wondering what to have for dinner tomorrow. . . You know, strictly the important stuff is contemplated in this gem of a mind =S

Then I decided it was ridiculous to just lie there every night. There's only so much stuff you can think and over think and over over think.

So anyway, it was Insomnia's fault that I found myself on my laptop at 3am on Boxing Day, online shopping to see if any of the sales had started. Which they had. Much to my delight and my bank account's dismay. I'd also find myself reading pointless articles like "The 7 Most Shocking Easter Eggs Found In Movies". (If you don't know what Easter Eggs are, they're basically hidden messages and the like found in movies, games, music videos, etc).

In fact, Insomnia is the reason that most of my Instagram followers are from America and anywhere that isn't England. I'm more active on my Instagram at stupid o'clock, when any normal, sane residents of England are sound asleep.

It's also why my eBay auctions end at weird times like 4am, because that's the time that I put them up! But it does have it's plus sides such as the glorious followers I have on Instagram, the fabulous bargains I had first dibs on and I can also have blog posts ready for you guys to read bright and early on your way to work/school/college/uni/the Jobcentre (my current category).

Oh my Lazy Diet! I nearly forgot! Today, I am starting a Meal Replacement diet! But before you guys imagine me losing my hair on my head and gaining it on my top lip at a more rapid speed, have no fear. These shakes are completely healthy, organic, with loads of vitamins, minerals and other ridiculously healthy raw ingredients. It's completely safe and you only replace 2 meals a day. It ensures you get all the nutrients you need and it helps aid weight loss and it gives energy. But truth be told, the real reason I'm going on this diet is because I'm being really really lazy. At the moment, I can't be bothered (and can't afford) to eat salads all the time. So I'm cutting out carbs, trying to eat healthier and more balanced, cutting down portion size, etc etc. But I can't be bothered to exercise at the moment. I mean, when the weather gets better, I'll be a lot more active but at the moment, I really don't want to. This is the worst attitude I could have, I know. But it won't be for long. For now though, while I become a vegetable for a couple of weeks, I shall start these meal replacement things. Also, I decided to start it today (Tuesday) rather than on a Monday. Because we all know that any diet that starts on a Monday is automatically deemed to fail.

Lastly, it's the last day of 2013!!! Which means this is my last post of the year! Is it just me or has this year gone quicker than all the others? 2013 has actually been full of amazing things for me. I started getting more serious with this blog, posting more regularly. As a result, I've had more of a response on it which has been amazing and such a confidence boost! I've met some amazing people and made some amazing new friends that I can call family. I turned 19 (the last year of my teens!), I finished college, receiving my Level 3 Diploma in Health & Social Care. Okay so maybe I found out about my leaky kidneys this year and I'm currently jobless but I feel 2014 is the start of something amazing. I'm more determined than ever to get a job, lose weight (but I don't want to get too thin. I love my curves. I just want to get fit and healthy). And I think it will be a year full of happiness, because I'm determined to make it that way. Remember peeps, life is what you make it.

So I'm gonna stop there now. I'm snug in bed with my music playing in the background (currently a bit of Marvin Gaye's Heard It Through The Grapevine), wrapped in my duvet, continuously sniffing perfume cards that I've had in bag for a while, because the smell of aftershave makes me happy ;) Oh come on! You can't have expected me to get through a whole blog post and not add something remotely pervy =P

Oh and just a small fact that I feel the need to share. .  .I still don;t have a Onesie =( January Sales: Operation Onesie is on people. I solemnly declare to have a Onesie by the end of January 2014. Watch. . . By the time I get one they'll be banned for some sort of hazard to health or something. . . =S

Oh and one last thing! This pic explains all but tomorrow me and thousands of others worldwide will be taking part in The Ribbon Project to help raise suicide awareness. Post a pic on instagram and hashtag it with #ribbonproject114. Tag me if you like @ditzypolkadot because I'd love to see your support for this cause =)

So keep being the amazing people that you are!! And feel free to comment or share this bog post if you fancy it =)

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

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What Makes Us Happy: With a Little Help from Instagrammers, Pharrell, Akon, Ashanti, Frank Sinatra, Collie Buddz & NeverShoutNever =)

I feel so good, 

I don't know what's come over me

Could it be the nice vibes in the party

Could it be the liquor,

Could it be that you're next to me

Okay so maybe I don't feel as happy as the above statement makes out. Those lyrics are taken from the song I Feel So Good by reggae artist Collie Buddz. I'm not in the best of moods at the moment but I do feel that to get out of my current moodiness, I need to start writing happy thoughts and hopefully this will have an impact on my actual mood. Whether or not it does that, we'll have to see. Stay tuned until the end of this blog post and you shall find out. Ooooh how tv-show-esque does that sound?! Exciting stuff!! Is the suspense killing you already?? ;)

So the other day, I was in a really musical mood, wanting to blast my music out and sing my heart out. Which I did. Much to our neighbors dismay. But we've already deciphered that I don't have the X Factor, I am the X Factor. People just don't recognise real talent when it's right there in front of them. Breaking their windows. . .

It then struck me that a good idea would be to analyse different songs about happiness to see what supposedly makes the artist happy. So that is what I did. Here is the results based on my analytic findings (I really should be a researcher/scientist with these amazingly long words flowing forth oh so naturally):

Ashanti ft. Ja Rule - Happy (How Ironic, right?)

So why did Ashanti feel the need to show the world how happy she was? The chorus of this song reveals all:

All my life I've been searching for you,

Everyday.

So glad that I found you boy,

All my life I've been feeling for you everyday.

I'm so happy today.

Evidently, Ashanti's happiness was down to the fact that she found a 'boy' who she'd been searching for everyday. She also says that he takes her pain away and it makes her feel good to know that Man In Question has fallen in love with her. Lovely! (Even though that exclamation sounds like it's dripping with sarcasm, it's really not. I'm not a bitter single person. . . )

NeverShoutNever - Happy

This is a song that I had never come across by a band/person that I had never heard of before. But I felt the need to mention it because it was a cute song with a pretty quirky beat:

You make me happy whether you know it or not.

We should be happy, that's what I said from the start.

I am so happy, knowing you are the one,

For the rest of my days,

You're all of my days.

I'm happy knowing that you are mine.

So I thought that was rather lovely. Okay so it is about a love interest yet again. But it's cute. So again, it was being with that special someone that made them happy. Really, that's simply adorable and fabulous. Time to move on. 

Frank Sinatra - You Make Me Feel So Young

Frank! My favourite Crooner of all time! I may be 19 but I think Frank was and is one of the best things to ever happen to music. But I decided to change perspective and check less ironic titles of songs and this one came to mind. 

You make me feel so young
You make me feel like spring has sprung
Every time I see you grin
I'm such a happy an individual

And I thought Frank would be different and not sing about love! But I still love him. But in all seriousness, Frank's love obviously made him feel young. And this would have made him happy. At least I hope it did. It'd be terrible if that song was really a cry for help, wouldn't it? =S But surely not every song about happiness would be about love and relationships and sickeningly sweet slobber stories?

Pharrell Williams - Happy

So I decided to go back to the ironic titles, as you can see. I love this song. It's so happy and it just makes me want to skip down the street like Pharrell does in the video. Then I realise that I don't live in a glorious part of America, minions aren't real and I'd probably be physically assaulted or detained. So, this song doesn't give a reason for happiness as such. I mean Pharrell hints at a girl being involved when he says:

Sunshine, she’s here, you can take a break

Correct me if I'm wrong but he's telling the sunshine that it can take a break because 'she's' here, so she is basically the sunshine of his life. Which I think is actually really, really sweet =) But he's basically saying that nothing can bring him down because he's happy and he just wants to clap and everyone else should clap but only if they want to because he wants them to be happy and if they clap because they're forced to it won't be a happy clap and then they'll get miserable. . . Wow. Did I just put a negative spin on a song called Happy? I need help =S

Akon ft. Wyclef - Sunny Day

So all these clappy vibes made me think of an old Akon song called Clap Again where he's talking about wanting to make his girl happy again (I just wanna make you clap again). But I came across his song called Sunny Day. The chorus, again, explains it better than I could:

Who'd ever thought that I would see this day?
Where I would see my ghetto life fade away.
'Cause I was lost and couldn't find a way,
And now I look forward to every day.
Welcome to my sunny day.
My sunny day.
Everyday,
A better day.

So this is a different kind of happy. This is almost like a relief. Akon was talking about the struggle of being in the ghetto and the feeling that you'd never escape it. The hate, the futility of the situation, the struggle, having nowhere to escape. He found his happy place when he left the ghetto, something he thought was impossible. So I thought that was nice, you know? Sometimes that's what people need to do to find their happy place: escape.

Collie Buddz - I Feel So Good

So this brings me back to ol' Collie. What made him feel good? It could have been a mixture of things. But it was mainly down to good vibes. People being happy around him. Being able to trust the people around him. Not being on edge. Just enjoying life. Because it's important we do that sometimes. Just take a little time out to enjoy life. 

Instagrammers

So I thought I'd leave the best 'til last. I asked my Instagram followers what makes them happy. And I mean really, genuinely happy. It was so interesting to see the responses actually.  (By the way, if you want to follow me on Instagram, my screen name is @ditzypolkadot. Cheeky plug there I know, but I can't help it!)

So the responses included food; chocolate in particular, which is totally understandable of course. Then a few said family and friends which was lovely and again, very understandable and very true. I seriously think if you're surrounded by good family and/or friends that really love and care for you, you need very little else. Someone else said reading and shopping! Agreed!!! Hopefully reading this blog makes some of you happy =) Another said laughing, about anything with anyone. This really ties in with my happiness which shall be revealed shortly.

One person in particular stood out to me though when she said this:

"Sipping a nice cup of hot chocolate [agreed, H/C is always better than coffee or tea] on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, and snuggling next to my boyfriend as some random TV show plays on. It didn't matter [what it is], just spending time with him doing nothing makes me fantabulously happy".

That really is beautiful. Because at the end of the day, we don't need riches, big houses, fancy cars, coffee from a fancy coffee machine or gold chains around our neck. All we really need is good company. Also, loving the use of the word 'fantabulously' there. It's been my favourite word for a while now and then you go and use it! Weird!! 

You see, again, it's the small things with me. I've said this before, but my happiness come from spending time with my family. My brother, sisters and mum, all chilling in the living room, eating a box of KFC/kebabs all round/my mums amazing lamb curry, with the telly on in the background (Mock The Week or 8 Out Of 10 Cats or any form of comedy), with us all having a laugh and doing nothing. That makes me feel really content.

You guys know I love being made to laugh. But even better than that, I love making people laugh. I wrote this a while ago about what makes me truly happy:

This is what makes my day. This is what makes me happy. This is one of the things that makes me feel that life is worth living. This is what I live for. I live to make people smile/laugh. I'm not being humble either. Sure, I'd love to have enough money to live comfortably. I'd like nice things, a nice house and a nice car. But at the end of the day, I could have nothing, yet if I manage to do the above, I will have everything. I really, truly, 100% believe that. You guys should try it if you haven't already. Then you'll know what I mean =)

Oh and just for the record, I'm actually feeling a little brighter now. It's mad how much just writing about happiness can make you a little happier =)

Keep smiling, folks!

Ditzy xXx

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Heartbroken Anonymous

'Heartbreak' 

It's a horrible word. It isn't a nice sounding word that describes something awful. It actually sounds bad. It's just horrible all over.

People say that heartbreak happens to older people. It's not something that kids can feel, neither is it something that teens go through. I mean sure, teens may think they've been heartbroken, but they couldn't have been really. But ladies and gents, that view is wrong. So very wrong. 

Toddlers, children, teens and adults feel heartbreak. Sure, it may be for different reasons. Obviously kids won't feel heartbreak due to a romantic relationship gone wrong. But abandonment, hate, neglect, shame. . . these are all things that can cause heartbreak. It's not all romanticised. 

Some people go through heartache and everyone knows about it. An unfaithful partner, a break up, being neglected, being abandoned, being mistreated. Lot's of people can find out about it. They can offer help and support. But that doesn't always happens. The whole world could know about it but it doesn't mean that you'll get any help to get through it. You're left to fight through it, alone. 

Then there are others. Others who go through the pain of heartache. And no one knows. No one ever finds out. No one ever will. That way no one can help. And you're left struggling, fighting this pain. Alone. You're breaking inside. And you want to literally tear your heart out because it just hurts. So much. You don't tell anyone. It's not because you don't trust them. You just don't want to reveal your weaknesses, your vulnerability, and the pure ridiculousness of it all. Because it's a stupid situation. You shouldn't be so hurt by it. It shouldn't affect you. But it does. And there is nothing you can do about it except ride it out and try to stop it from eating at you inside.

This happens way too much. Why do we give our hearts out to people who don't want it? Why does this always happen?

I'm sorry. I know this is a mega depressing post. But I can't help it. Like I said, writing is my therapy. Or maybe it's purely down to the fact that I have Beyonce's If I Were A Boy on repeat. You decide.

It's so important to keep in mind though, our reason to smile is just around the corner if we can't find it at present. Like for me, one day, I'll find that guy who completes me. The one that accepts my heart willingly. The one who makes me laugh until my insides hurt and then some. The one that shares my love of food. The one who accepts me for me, because let me tell you now, there's a lot of me to have to accept ;) Just the one who loves me as much as I love him. The one that makes me happier than anyone has ever been able to do before. Waiting is one of the hardest things though isn't it? Not knowing when it'll happen. But anyway, my time will come some day. I know it will. 

But we get down right? Sometimes, someone or something can hurt us so bad and we have to suffer in silence for a bit. We will get through it but we can't be strong all the time.

All I'm saying is, sometimes, we just have to stop pretending. Because it's tiring.

Ditzy xXx

Oh and just a quick reminder, if you want to support me via social networks I am on Facebook and Instagram. Really appreciate it guys =)

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Ridiculous O'Clock Ramblings, Daring Developments & Awesome Alliteration

Alas dear readers, I have failed you again! The last time I wrote a blog was October. I have excuses but I'm not even going to go into them this time. Because the truth is, I've neglected you guys. People who I now consider (mostly) unknown friends. I'm well aware of how contradictory that sentence is but it's honestly how I view you. Ok so I haven't met most of you. But when I see the comments you leave and the page views you have added to, you're not just numbers. You're people that make me happy by taking an interest in my randomness. And I consider people that make me happy my friends. Rather strange and unorthodox I know, but I'm a rather strange and unorthodox person, wouldn't you say?

So recently my life has been rather tumultuous (what a fabulous word, right??). My physical health has messed up big time and that sort of messed up my outlook on life for a while. So I didn't want that to reflect in my blog. Because I look at this as a happy place full of rainbows and sunshine and laughter.

It is currently 2.43am in effulgent England. Yes, you read that correctly. "Effulgent". Isn't it such a ridiculously pretentious word?? It means radiant anyway. So yes, it's currently what I call 'ridiculous o'clock' and I am wide awake. Ok so that might be down to the two mugs of coffee I had this evening just because I fancied it, but the fact remains, I am buzzing and hyper and all things frantic. This is when I made a few 'daring developments'. The reasons behind the title of this post should all be unfolding now.

I decided to make a page on Facebook about this blog and also an Instagram account. These would basically be letting followers know when I have written a new post. I'd also put little anecdotes in and the like, some of which won't make my blog posts, but they might hopefully brighten up your day some. So the links to these will be at the bottom of this post. If you're interested, please like/follow!! I think the reason I say this is a daring development is because although it will get me more in touch with people who enjoy this blog, it can also expose me to some not so nice people. But I'm trying not to focus too much on that kinda thing. Positive vibes people!

Oooooh! Another new development! I just found out the other day that I'm a little bit allergic to pesto! Now you guys know how much I love food. And there's something about a pesto and tomato sandwich that fills me with joy and a tickle in my throat. Turns out, this 'tickle' isn't a good thing. It indicates I may be allergic. That's not to say I'm going to stop eating it. Don't be silly! I'll still eat it and just suffer with the consequences of itchy throat and ears afterwards. It's the same with aubergines. I'm not a big fan, but my mum's curried aubergines are to die for (literally). So I'll eat mounds of it, only to suffer with lips the size of sausages later. Not a good look, but provided I can stay at home and there are no Don Benjamin/Ryan Reynolds/Channing Tatum/Russell Howard/Jon Richardson lookalikes around, I'm fine with it.

PLEASE NOTE: I am not not not (3 for emphasis in case you didn't notice) encouraging people to eat things they are allergic to. Some people have really serious allergies that even inhaling stuff can cause anaphylactic shock and death. So people, please don't think I'm undermining allergies or encouraging people to ignore them because I am not saying that. I'm just talking about my small reactions or intolerances (I really want to say 'intolerai' but I know that's not right =S) that are not life threatening at all to me.

Hmm what else? Oh yeah, guess what I did last Monday?! I was in the car with my music playlist playing (ha! Fancy that!) and Friday by Rebecca Black came on. And I let it play. I didn't switch it off just because it wasn't Friday.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I played Friday on a Monday.

Because I like to live life on the edge.

So controversial, I know.

;)

 

It did kind of make me think though. Since I'm currently unemployed (but desperately looking for work) I have come to the conclusion that all unemployed people have the legal right to sing the Friday song any day of the week. Because let's face it, any day is a Friday if we want it to be, right?

 

Our Joey =)

Oooooh and I nearly forgot to mention! I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here has been and gone! I've got to say, I was definitely Team Joey! I actually love the dude. It's funny, he was the one person I thought I wouldn't be able to stand. The sort of sure of himself/idiotic/sleazy guy you expect to come from shows like TOWIE (I've never seen the show, I'm just basing my views on a mixture of what I've seen of Mark Wright and shamelessly stereotyping). How wrong I was. Joey Essex is one of the sweetest, kindest people I have ever seen. Like, really. And his naivety only made him sweeter. I really wanted him to win but Kian Egan was amazing and deserved to be King of the Jungle.

 

If you haven't ever heard of or watched this programme, you must think us Brits are right weirdos by how I've just described it but honestly, it's such a good show. A quick explanation is that about 12 celebrities have to spend about 2 weeks in a jungle doing various trials to earn food for the camp. Slowly, one by one, they each get evicted from the jungle, depending on who the public vote for. The person that remains is the winner aka King or Queen of the Jungle. 

So anyway, I'm now a mahoosive fan of Joey. So much so that I've decided to dedicate a future blog post solely to him. It'll include all the little things that he said throughout the show that had me and one of my besties in stitches. So if you're a fan of Joey Essex, look out for that!

So, I should probably get some sleep now. I have a busy day tomorrow! But again, please like my page on Facebook and/or follow me on Instagram! I'm thinking of maybe cracking the world of Twitter but it scares me a teeny tiny bit. So I think I'll see how I get on with Facebook and Instagram first =)

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I really appreciate your support and feedback guys. Keep 'em coming!

Keep smiling, folks!

Ditzy xXx

Relationships, Advice, Annoying Advice Givers, Irrationality and How Chocolate Is Better Than Gold ;)

"Let me tell you where you're going wrong in your relationship" said the single person to the person having relationship issues.

I can imagine you right now. Reading this blog on your laptop/computer/phone sitting on your sofa, travelling on the train, walking in the cold, or sat in a café feeling slightly awkward because you're waiting for someone but you don't want to seem like a loner. So you've got your phone out to try and look less lonely to others. And you've decided to take a look a my blog. Thank you by the way! But I can predict two different responses by two different groups of people. Those off the market and in a relationship will tense up at the above sentence. That sentence will send a shiver down their spines as its remind them of a certain someone offering "friendly advice" on their relationship issues. Then there's those that are single. I can imagine you slumping down in your seat, getting more comfortable, like sipping a warm creamy hot chocolate on a cold winters night, smug smile on your face. You've either offered this "advice" to someone or you're just happy that you haven't got the hassle of relationship issues.

Anyway, either way, we all know who I'm talking about. That one friend who has never been in a proper relationship, or hasn't been in one in a while, or is perhaps even newly single but immediately grabbing singleness by the horns. Or maybe you are that friend.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am that person. As much as it pains me to say it, I am that single friend who gives advice out on how to try and heal a relationship. However, I have to stress, I don't offer this advice. I only give it out when asked. When a friend is stressed out about an issue that he/she has, I may be one of the people they turn to. And I'm happy to help if I can. I like to think I'm pretty unbiased when it comes to stuff like that. I know how important and yet fragile relationships are and I'd never try and get involved in someone's issues. I've got enough of my own and I'm not drama's biggest fan. Like, if drama was walking towards me on a street, I would cross the road. Heck, I'd cross a motorway without a pedestrian/zebra crossing to avoid it. And yes, I know a motorway doesn't have crossings anyway but I'm saying it to add effect. Is it working? And also, anyone that knows me knows that I hate crossing any sort of road. Safety is a big thing for me and no matter how clear the road is, I will wait for the green man before I cross that death trap.

So anyway, through my 19 years in this world I've witnessed many relationships. Wait. . . that makes them sound like murder. Let's rephrase that. Through my 19 years in this world I've observed many relationships. Many. But I'm not complaining. Even though I'm not currently in one, I feel I'm ready to handle anything a relationship throws at me. *Famous last words*. But really, I think my observations have paid off and I think I've learnt lots about relationships, particularly about how some guys and girls think.

*** DISCLAIMER: Emphasis on the some guys and girls. I am not implying that all guys and girls are like this. So please don't twist my words and please don't take me wrong. This is just my humble observations that I thought I'd share. ***

So I was talking to a friend about this whole thing. There's that whole stereotype about guys being players and going off with other girls and such like. But I've noticed an increase in girls doing this recently. I'm not saying girls never used to be like that. But in my life, I've recently seen more and more leave good, respectable guys for other guys.

Now, there is that whole argument that we don't know what goes on behind closed doors and we don't know what has moved the person to take such drastic actions. But in my opinion, nothing condones unfaithfulness. If it's not working out with your boyfriend/girlfriend and the relationship is really beyond repair, just end it. Don't go off with someone else. As hard as it would be for someone to take the fact that you're ending the relationship, wouldn't it be better for them to know that it ended because stuff just wasn't working out, rather than being told that you've found someone else?

But anyway, this friend and I came to this conclusion: for some guys, it's looks that attract them most. Beautiful girl and then personality comes after. Not to say personality doesn't matter to a guy. That's not what I'm saying at all. But for girls, we say we're looking for someone genuine. Someone who can make us laugh maybe? I don't know what your big thing is but mine is humour. A guy that can make me belly laugh means a lot. But that doesn't mean that any guy that makes me laugh will instantly have my heart. But it helps. It's a requirement for me. But I'm not one of those girls that says looks don't matter. Because they do. I'm not being shallow, I'm being real. There has to be a physical attraction. Don't deny it! But that doesn't mean that he has to look like a model and every girl that walks past him practically palpitates and faints. I don't care what others think about him. As long as I'm attracted to him, other people's opinions don't matter.

So anyway, this is the conclusion: Guys look for a beautiful girl. If a beautiful guy gives a girl attention and tries to get to know her, it will make her feel beautiful. Because she has it in her mind that guys automatically go for beautiful girls. And if she's never had that before, it will feel even more special. Because it is special. So if things work out and beautiful guy starts going out with beautiful girl, yay for them! But then this can get to beautiful girl's head. She might start thinking that because this beautiful guy was attracted to her, maybe the possibilities are endless. Who else could she get? And so the competition within herself begins. And she falls into a trap. And finds someone else.

Again, this isn't the case all the time. And the proverbial tables could easily be turned and a guy could find himself in this position. But this is just my observations of a few relationships I've observed.

So people, I think my message today is all about appreciation. Appreciate what you have. Because if it's good, it's worth keeping hold of. And I'm not just talking about relationships. This goes with pretty much everything. Look for the good in what you have. If it's broken, try to fix it. If it's good, make it even better. Because good is hard to find. But I'm convinced that when you've got it, you need to keep tight hold of it.

Oh just a side point, Cadbury's are doing this thing where you might find a bar of gold instead of chocolate in one of their dairy milk bars. Now, this is rather exciting. But me currently being a menstrual minstrel, I'm in that select time of month where nothing is positive and everything is a great big negative. Want to know how finding a bar of gold in your chocolate wrapper is a negative? I'll tell you. . .

Maybe I just want chocolate. Maybe I've walked all the way to Morrisons, bought myself a chocolate bar and slowly tortured myself by waiting until I walked all the way home again to open it and dig in. I will have gotten into my JimJams, set up residence on the sofa with a duvet, glasses on, ready to watch my daily chain of New Girl followed by the Mindy Project. I will probably have a glass of either Coke and Milk, a cup of hot chocolate, or a cuppa chaa. I'll probably have forgotten my chocolate in my bag which is miiiiiles away (on the other sofa... about half a meter away but it still requires me to get up). After sighing and moaning, I'll get it, reassume my seat on the sofa again, open the wrapper ready to devour this much anticipated bar of gloriousness when BAM! It's a bar of gold. I would cry. I'm not even kidding, I would cry. Because all rationality, sensibleness, common sense, and everything else, has left me. I want my chocolate. And I would sacrifice my right arm for it.

Yes you may say that if you cashed the gold you could buy a million bars of chocolate. But that takes time. And it requires me to get up and go and change my clothes and walk and wait. I can't handle that. I need the chocolate.

Guys, if you're reading this, those top two paragraphs have probably freaked you out no end. To be honest, reading it back, it's made me feel a little bit scared of myself. But it's true. Even I can't believe how awful I sound. But this is a glimpse into a woman's mind when she's at her most vulnerable. So just accept it. And like that meme that's currently been circulating the 'net for about 3 years says:

"If a woman is upset, hold her and tell her how beautiful she is.

If she starts to growl, retreat to a safe distance and throw chocolate at her".

 

Ha! And you all thought that meme was created purely in jest. Nope. It was created by a menstrual woman. Or a guy who's been seriously injured by a menstrual woman and therefore learnt from his mistakes and is kind enough to warn other guys about it ;)

 

Just a piece of advice I thought I'd share ;)

 

Keep smiling folks!

 

Ditzy xXx

Compliment Freely Because We Are Beautiful

Hello there cupcakes! I hope you're all good and deliciously glorious as ever ;) (Yes, 'glorious' is still among my favourite words at the moment).

Today I've decided to talk about beauty. It's not going to be a soppy, girly, emotional post, so don't worry. But the inspiration behind this is from a comment that was left on my last post. The person (Anonymous) shared a link that really was amazing.

I found the actual YouTube link which is here. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=litXW91UauE

This is an experiment that Dove conducted. It involved a group of women who didn't know each other and a Forensic Composite Artist called Gil Zamora.

The ladies didn't know what was going to happen. One by one, one of the women would enter a room. Gil was in the room, but he had his back to her so that he could not see what she looked like. She had to sit behind a screen and answer questions that Gil asked about her looks. She would explain prominent features, distinct marks or scars, face shape, etc. Gil would then draw her according to the way she described herself.

Then, the woman was asked to get friendly with one of the others. Afterwards, they would come back and explain the looks of each other, alone. Gil still hadn't set eyes on any of them, but he drew them as the person described.

I'm not sure if this is making any sense, which is why you really need to watch the video. It's only 6 minutes long and just so much easier than reading my written description.

However, the ladies were then revealed both pictures Gil had drawn of them; the first being how they described themselves and the second being how someone else described them. The contrast was unreal.

Whereas the self described pictures were harsh, rough, and quite intimidating, the ones where they had been described by someone else were so different. They were beautiful. Each and every one.

One lady in particular described her own chin as rather large. She said her mother always said she had a big chin, which made her believe she actually did. Let me tell you now, this lady's chin was not big in any way. My thoughts were confirmed when she was described by someone else as having a small narrow chin.

So anyway, this made me think of all of us. We all have things about us that we don't like. That will never change. For example, I think I have a very harsh jaw line. Like, a man would be jealous of my jaw line. No joke. I also think I have a big nose. Don't get me wrong. I'm not trying to get people to say "oh you don't have a weird jaw line or big nose". To be honest, I've learnt to live with it and I take the mick out of my imperfections. To make light of something, makes it almost non-existent. That's how I feel anyway.

But this video made me rethink all of this. I'm not saying that I don't have a harsh jaw line and big nose but maybe it's not the centre of attention on my face (even though my nose is at the centre of my face, but you know what I mean). Maybe some nicer features of my face take away the harshness of the not so nice areas.

Am I making sense? I really don't know if I am. I'm tired and my Chronic Fatigue/ME has been messing me up big time lately. But anyway, hopefully you get the gist of what I'm trying to say.

Maybe our imperfections aren't so big in reality. Maybe we focus on them so much, that they take away the prominence of our nice features in our minds.

So this is what I've decided to do. I've decided to compliment more. I don't find it hard to compliment people. I don't get filled with jealousy if someone is thinner than me, prettier than me, dresses better than me, is more popular than me, etc. I've been brought up to say if I like something. For example, if someone I hug smells nice, I will say "oooh you smell fab!" and then I will give another hug, while deliberately inhaling and savouring that glorious scent. This is known as the "Double Hug" and I am regularly associated with it. Sometimes I'll even go into a triple hug. Also, if someone I don't know walks past me and has amazing shoes, I will tell them. That may make me out to be a weirdo but let's face it: I am a weirdo. Also, you don't know what difference that small compliment will make in that person's life.

However, I can't stand people who find it physically impossible to give out compliments. I don't mean people who are too shy. That's fine and understandable. However, I mean the people that hate the fact that someone else looks good and therefore they refuse to compliment and just stand afar giving daggers to that person.

I don't have time for people who are like that. Compliment freely, people. But just don't get creepy ;)

So, if you see someone with nice shoes, a good tie, epic cufflinks, amazing hair, or a fab personality, TELL THEM! Don't hold back! There is so much negativity in this world. It really can make a difference if we just compliment someone once a day.

And to those that find it difficult to take a compliment, just say thank you! Don't deny it. You know the whole scenario:

Complimenter: "Oh wow, your hair is so amazing! It's such a lovely colour!"
Complimentee: "Ugh no it's not. It's horrible. I hate it."
Complimenter: "Oh. Well. I really like it. I wish I had hair like that."
Complimentee: "Thanks but you really don't. It's so horrible. In fact now that you've reminded me of it, I want to go and shave it all off because it's so ridiculously horrible that I think I'm going to cry and have a nervous breakdown and then I'll raid the fridge and eat everything because I'm so depressed about it and then I'll get fat and then I'll get down about being fat and then I'll feel sorry for all the starving children of Africa because I'll feel like I've eaten all the food I could've sent to them and then I'll spiral into further depression and end up not being able to work and not being able to pay rent and then end up living on the street drinking cheap whiskey out of a brown paper bag and I'll die a horrible, lonely old woman with 5 stray cats surrounding me and I won't even have hair because I shaved it all off. "

You see? Wouldn't it have just been easier to have said "thank you" and then left it at that? Someone once said that a compliment is like a present. If I gave you a present, all wrapped up beautifully you wouldn't refuse it. So why refuse a compliment.

So people, compliment freely, accept them freely and just be happy. We haven't got time to be miserable. Or self destructive. Just be happy. And spread a little happiness to everyone else too because it feels good!

Keep Smiling Folks!

Ditzy xXx

Gloriousness + Rainbows + Jelly + Sunshine = A Gloriously Happy Mix!

I've got to say people, I'm very disappointed in myself right now. Looking back, the last post I wrote was on Saturday 31st August. That's twenty days ago! Twenty! I was supposed to submit a post at least once a week! So sorry! I will try try try to not let it happen again!

I was thinking of sticking to submitting a post on one specific day of the week, like a Monday. But then, my life is so scattered at the moment that I don't think I'll be able to stick to it. And I don't want to make promises I can't keep. Because that would be rubbish. And I'd feel worse than I do right now. So until I get a job and some sort of routine incorporated into my life, I will remain scattered and my posts will be little surprises that unexpectedly pop up into your lives like glorious rainbows that emit glittery sprinkles of joy and sunshine. . . Ok, so, maybe my blog posts don't do that as such but I thought it was a rather glorious description, don't you?

Oh and that's another thing. 'Glorious' is now my new favourite word at the moment. It's just so. . . glorious, isn't it? And it's also so terribly pretentious. Sort of like, "Yes, I am glorious. I am the epitome of glorious. And I know it. And I shall emanate gloriousness to everyone, everywhere. And I am also made of strawberry jelly. Which is also glorious. Because I am glorious."

So yeah, glorious. It's a beautiful word. Expect to hear it a lot.

Right, so, nothing really that interesting has happened in my life over the past 20 days. Which is a bit rubbish really, considering nearly a month has gone by. Especially for a 19 year old girl. I should be full of amazing, exciting stories that shock you to the core and make you wee yourself laughing. But, alas, I have no such stories. Your jeans/chinos/skirts/shorts/palazzo's/dresses can rest easy.

I'm actually very happy right now. In fact, yesterday I was so happy for some absolutely unknown reason that I made soup! Yes. I made soup. It actually surprised me that I've made so many things that are quite challenging but a simple vegetable soup intimidated the living daylights out of me. But I did it! And it turned out fab! And it made me even more happy. And that happiness has lasted all this time. And it's still here. Whooooop!

So, happiness is a good thing. Obviously. Don't you just love being in your happy place though? It made me wonder what makes other people happy. Because, as beautiful as it is, it's actually really difficult to find your happy place nowadays. We have sooooo much to keep us out of it. But when you're there, in the deep realms of your happy place, it's so beautiful. So unlike anything else, any other feeling. Just savour it. Don't let anyone distract you from it. Because once you're out of it, the search begins all over again.

But I really would like to know, what makes you happy? Like, genuinely happy? Not fake happy. Not a happy face but gloomy insides. I mean really, deeply, happy?

I guess for me, it is the little things. Definitely just being with my family. My mum, brother and sisters and a bucket of KFC. Doing nothing but talking, chilling, watching TV and eating. That makes me happy. And it makes me feel content.

Also, Nandos. Followed by an evening of drinking. Drinking Coca Cola and Milk. Mixed. In a pint glass. Mmmm! With good friends. It's the perfick evening. Try it peeps!

***DISCLAIMER: I love Nandos. Love! But NEVER could I love Nandos more than my big sister. It's physically impossible to love it more than her. So people who think I'm crazy about it, just watch out for my sis ;) ***

Also, making people laugh. I love being made to laugh. Really belly laugh. Laugh until my sides hurt, my jaws ache, and I can't breathe. There's only one person that can make me do that, and that is my big brother. But, there's something about making someone else laugh that tops all of that. It fills me with so much inner joy and happiness that it literally cannot be contained. Kind of like sunshine emanating from inside me, shining on everyone around me. (I'm aware that I've been saying 'emanate' a lot. Sorry. It just can't be stopped!) But when someone laughs because of something I've said, I literally feel on top of the world. It means a lot to me =)

Also, hearing how much people enjoy my blog. This is a new happiness that has started to emerge recently now that I've started telling people about my blog. I had a guy friend come up to me a couple of weeks ago to tell me that he was bored one day and he decided to check it out. He thought it was really good and he really enjoyed reading it. THIS made me happy. Sooooo happy.

See, I've always seen this blog as a bit of a 'girl's read'. It's not though. But I never really thought guy's would be into it. Well, brilliantly, I've been proven wrong! So a massive thank you to all my guy readers! Your views are very much appreciated! Why not stick a comment down below if you are a dude enjoying this post? ;)

Now, I don't want to end on a low note. But I thought this was worth sharing. . .

About two weeks ago, I was really down. I was sick of being single. I felt alone, depressed, hopeless and just absolutely rubbish. Everyone was in a relationship or building up to a relationship. Some of my friends had people they liked. I didn't even have that. I wasn't interested in any guys around here and it got me depressed.

In fact, I was so upset (also extremely menstrual) that I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. But it wasn't full blown crying. Oh no. I had one tear. As much as I tried, no more would come. One tear. One! Because yes, ladies and gentlemen, even my tears are single now.

And to top it all off, I couldn't even comfort eat because there was a flippin' daddy long legs hovering about in my kitchen that I so wasn't ready to deal with. And I couldn't help but think, if I had a man, he'd be able to get it for me and be my knight in shining armour bearing chocolate and all things buttery. . .

*sigh* I must be calm. Happy place. Happy place!!!!

So yeah, during that period of time, wedding/engagement/dating/boyfriend/girlfriend/couples/love were all forbidden swear words to me.

But alas, I am out of that awful phase now. My time will come. I'd just appreciate it if it hurried up a bit. Just a little bit. And I'd also appreciate it if it had better punctuality than my past life events =S

But anyway, that's everything for now. I need to start job hunting *picks up cape and hunting gear*. . . I don't actually know what's included in hunting gear hence the vagueness. But meh, use your imagination people!

Have a good day my lovely readers. Be happy. Never stop. Find your happy place and set up camp there for a while.

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

Scattered Thoughts + Scattered Me = A Scattered Blog

Hiya my little cupcakes with buttercream icing and rainbow sprinkles on top! How are you all on this cold but sunny Saturday afternoon?

So, after reading my blog posts, a few friends and family members have encouraged me to get into writing and pursue a writing career. Now this is extremely flattering! But I've never felt good enough to do so. Now, don't think this is me trying to come across as extremely humble. I genuinely don't think I have what it takes to be a professional writer/book author/columnist.

Writing this blog is a massive hobby of mine. I love writing and getting my thoughts across in a kind of comedic way. It actually acts as a sort of therapy to me; making light of my problems on here helps me make light of them in my head.

For example, today I'm having a bit of a rubbish day which is why I'm sat in bed in my JimJams with half a bottle of shaken Diet Coke by my side. Yes, shaken. I love flat coke. Really, really love it. So I drink half or 1/4 of the bottle and then shake it. This makes it flat. I then wait for it to calm down before opening it and enjoying the sugary taste of flat coke. So, this has made me happy. Well, happier than I was about an hour ago.

Now, I'm well aware that the paragraph above seems irrelevant and silly and pointless. But it's not to me. Because, truth be told, explaining to you the process of making my coke flat has made me appreciate it even more. And it's made me appreciate the fact that it's here, by my side, ready for me to drink to my heart's content. Granted, when I finish it, my gloomy self will probably return and I'll probably spiral into depression again, but for now, I'm happy.

Aaaah! The sweet life of a 19 year old Diabetic with Chronic Fatigue/ME, Leaky Kidneys, Slight Depression and Dodgy Hormones. Don't you just love it ;)

But anyway, I digress as usual. Back to the main topic. What was the main topic?

Ah yes, pursuing a career in writing. So yeah, I didn't/don't think I have what it takes. I mean, there are so many writers out there who are amazing and motivational and inspirational (do motivational and inspirational mean the same thing?) and yet, half of them will never even be recognised because the field of writing is a ruthless one. But for the fun of it, I thought I would look into it a little bit.

That was my first obstacle. I don't know if I have the motivation. My problem is, I want certain things now. I know that a lot of my life's ambitions require hard grafting and I know the steps I need to take to reach them. And I'm prepared to do that. However, the things that just come into my mind of their own accord, I want these right away. For example. writing. I have this vision in my mind that it would be like it is in the films. Someone would read this blog, notice a tiny smidgen of potential and then perhaps contact me with a job. Or a way to help me improve. I know! I'm being selfish, lazy, far-fetched, and stupid. But I can't help but think it. It's like that scene from the old Pixar Movie, 'A Bug's Life':

"No! Harry No! Don't look at the light!"

"I can't help it. It's so beautiful"

*Harry get's fried by the light*

A link to the scene is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TTUQyEr-sg0

So yeah, I know it's stupid to think this will happen. And I'm not blindly thinking it will. But it's fun to think about. I kind of have images of Isla Fisher in Confessions of a Shopaholic. You know how she is anonymously that columnist called The Girl in the Green Scarf and people love her articles? Is this accurate or have I just put my own twist on the entire story? Is there even a green scarf involved? Ugh! It's been too long since I watched the movie! But the point is, I have this whole Hollywoodised, sugar-coated view of the industry that I know is completely wrong but I can't help but dwell on it just a little bit.

But the point to the title of this post is this: I posted this blog on a Q&A website just to get some feedback off of people who don't know me. I'm always looking for ways to improve and appreciate feedback and constructive criticism. Even when some comments are hard to swallow, I try to look beyond this and glean the points on where and how I can improve.

Now, a few have said that my blog doesn't have a focus, and this could be an issue. Since my blog is so scattered and random, there isn't a main point to it and this can make it a little pointless to read. And I completely get where they are coming from. It's true, my blog is pointless and I don't have an aim. And I have thought of topics that I could completely focus this blog on; diabetes, shoes, fashion, food, etc.

BUT! I'm not feeling it. I am a very scattered person. I might have a form of mental ADHD (definitely not physical. I'm too lazy to be physically affected by ADHD). My thoughts are random, scattered, often pointless, often far-fetched, and I don't think about one thing for very long. I go off on many tangents wayyyy too often. I never stick to one thought and think it all the way through. . .

Let me demonstrate my thought process to you:

"Flowers are beautiful. I should plant some in my garden. In a plant pot. But then that would attract bees. Bees are cute and furry. So are bears. Aww we don't have bears in this country. They do in Canada though. . . Mmmm Candian Maple Syrup. . . Mmmm Pancakes. I want some pancakes. This is why I'm fat. Let's Google low fat pancake recipes. NO! They'll taste rank. And I cant be bothered to get up. Why am I so lazy? Is this why I'm still single? Why am I still single? . . . *long pause* . . . Maybe I'm meant to be a spinster. Maybe my purpose in life is to be a spinster with lot's of pets. But I wouldn't keep cats. Cats are mean. Why do I love big cats and yet intensely dislike domestic cats? Why am I thinking about cats? Yep. . . Forever alone. Ahhh let's Google some Forever Alone Memes. . . "

 

Yeah. . . So this is my thought process. This is the route to my procrastination. And this all probably reflects in my blog posts. So, I was thinking, I don't think I really want my blog to have a main focus, you know? Maybe I like the freedom of writing about whatever I want. For example, some days, I can write about the Great British Bake Off, and other days I can write about procrastination and ADHD thoughts. I don't really want to be restricted to write about a certain thing, because that would get boring quickly.

 

But what do you guys think? Should I stick to one topic? Or do you think this blog should remain scattered? But if you ever want me to write a post on a particular topic, let me know! I'm open to suggestions!

 

So, I hope you all enjoyed this post as much as I enjoyed typing it out! Oh! One last thing. I'd love love love if you guys would check out my friend, Lo Shep's YouTube channels and blog! She is a really good friend of mine and she has some fab vids on varied topics. Some of my faves are of her cats and horses! I don't like cats. But I like her cats. Because they're cute. Lo is also an accomplished horse rider (is that the correct term?) She is amazing and you will love her!

 

http://misslouise0212.blogspot.co.uk/ << All things equestrian ;)

http://losheps0212.blogspot.co.uk/2013/08/medical-records.html << Chronic Fatigue Life

https://www.youtube.com/user/LoSheps0212?feature=watch << Lo's Vlogging Channel (my personal fave)

http://www.youtube.com/DexLoMcKay << Crazy Cat Lady Channel ;) (Lo's cats, Dex & McKay. A MUST see if you love cats)

http://www.youtube.com/user/TPol0212/videos << Lo's Vids all to do with horses =)

 

So yeah, enjoy cupcakes! Hope you all have a glorious day (oh yeah, glorious is my new favourite word. It's just. . . glorious isn't it?!)

 

Keep Smiling Folks!

 

Ditzy xXx



Dogs and Cake. . . And Serious Ramblings. . .

Hiya my lil muffins! How are you all on this glorious Friday morning? Most of you are probably at work. Or if you're like me, you're sat on the sofa with laptop on your lap (how convenient), a half drunk cup of tea on the side,  F.R.I.E.N.D.S on on tv in the background (which you're not actually watching. You just have it on as background noise to make you feel less lonely. Also, the familiar voices of the cast and the uncanned laughter of the audience makes you feel nostalgic and comforted... am I right?), and you probably have the remains of last nights make up on your face. Dried up mascara flakes under your eyes, eye liner faintly smeared down your cheek, eyeshadow clinging to your eyelids for dear life, and lip gloss that you've just applied to stop your lips from feeling so dry. And while applying that lip gloss you told yourself that if you had taken the make up off before going to bed last night and put on the appropriate 'night skincare moisturiser range' that you paid extra for in the shop when you only went in to buy day moisturiser, then you wouldn't have dry lips in the first place. Or is this all just my lazy morning ritual that I never actually learn from and/or change?

So yeah, regardless, you're reading this blog. And thanks for giving my blog the time of day. It is hugely appreciated!!! I cannot express that enough.

I am actually on holiday at the moment. Not abroad but I've come to visit my family which has been fab. Just the getaway I needed! I currently have two dogs keeping me company... a Dogue de Bordeaux and a Yorkie. Seriously, the cutest dogs ever. But then again, I'm biased. I look at these pups as my niece and nephew. Because, yes, I have become that crazy woman who buys hair bows for her sister's dogs and talks to them whilst alone in the house. Or sometimes when I'm surrounded by people. I seriously think dogs hold a better conversation than some people. Is that bad? And yes I'm aware dogs don't talk back. But isn't that the beauty of it? And no, I'm not saying they are better to talk to than my family, because my family are great. I'm talking about people in general. We all know at least one person where we'd cross the street/pretend we didn't notice them/hide in a shop just to avoid talking to them.

Anyways, these dogs have been amazing. They've been loyal, they've followed me around the house, they've given me a warm slobbery welcome every morning and they even wait outside for me when I go to the toilet. Yes, these lil cuties have become my lil babies over this past week and I shall miss them intensely when I get back home =(

Oh! The Great British Bake Off is back!! And I have to admit, it's nice to see a bit of old Hollywood on our screens. And when I say 'old Hollywood', I don't mean the movies ;)

So, in all honesty, nobody has really stood out to me yet. I didn't feel an instant like or connection with any of the contestants, but I shall give it time. That's not to say the bakes weren't fab though! Serious admiration for these people! And I was wondering, what do they do with all the cakes? I mean, obviously they wouldn't just bin them because that would just be disgusting with all the poverty around the world. But it's simply too much cake for the Bake Off team/contestants isn't it? So I wonder if they give it away to the public. If so, anyone fancy telling me where? Because I'd definitely be there! So yeah, I look forward to next weeks episode. How very exciting my Tuesday nights have become!

Oh also, I have jumped the 'job hunting' bandwagon! So I'm currently looking for a job, which is rather exciting I must say. Maybe I'm just suffering from 'early job hunting excitement syndrome' and perhaps the pure disappointment of it all will kick in, but at the moment I'm buzzing from it all. *warning* this tone may change completely by my next post so be prepared!

So, I'd better finish off my ramblings and start on some non-productive nonsense. The Daily Mail won't read itself ;) Also, my sister treated me to get my nails done and typing is surprisingly hard to do with long nails. . .

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

Abandonment and Goodbyes: Diabetes, Sugar Cravings, Insulin Pumps, Sadness, Happiness, Weight Loss, Inspiration, Loneliness, Friendships. . .

Well hello there my beautiful cupcakes! How are you all? Scrumptious as ever I hope!

Apologies for the (nearly) one month gap since last writing a post! Things have been pretty hectic with doctors appointments and my (now on the rise) social life. . . Yes! I now have a social life! *SHOCK, HORROR, COMPLETE MORTIFICATION* ;)

So, Abandonment and Goodbyes. Such lovely topics of conversation for a Saturday evening, right? Well, this post won't be all doom and gloom, I promise.

So, since finding out about my kidneys, my docs have now tightened the reins on getting my blood sugar levels sorted, which is brilliant. My control is now fab but my craving's are not. Seriously, I have the ridiculous cravings that should come with pregnancy and I assure you, I'm not pregnant. In fact, I have the cravings of a woman expecting octuplets.

**NB: I'm not sure if the amount you crave depends on how many kids you're expecting. but for effect, let's pretend that the more proverbial 'buns' you have in the oven, the more literal buns you crave. You know the ones I'm talking about. The sweet pastry with the sugar icing dripping deliciously down the sides, crying out "Eat me, eat me. If you don't, I'll die a painful and undignified death by being chucked in the supermarket bins and then gnawed mercilessly on by rats". Yeah. . . them ones. **

So these cravings have been terrible. But I have refrained from binging on junk food. Apart from the occasional KFC (twice in three weeks. . . that's good for me!). The main thing that has motivated me to keep away from the unashamedly calorific isle in Asda is my brother. My brother has done amazingly recently! To me, he has always been the perfect example of how a man should be. People have their dad's to look at for that. I have my brother =)

But anyway, my brother has been dedicated to losing weight for the past couple of months. He wasn't big by any means but he wanting to lose some. And with a strict healthy eating regime and by going on power walks every day, my brother has lost 10.5lbs in two weeks!

Now, coming from a person who thought only a KFC at the end of a walk would make me actually go for a walk, it should mean a lot to you guys to find out that my brother has become my inspiration. Yes, my big brother, lovingly know to me as Shezzy/Shez/Shezalot/Shozes (wow, spellcheck is having a fit right now), has motivated and inspired me to go for more walks. He has been the one I've thought of when craving Aldi's Hazelnut Chocolate, Ben & Jerry's Cookie Dough Ice Cream, Gregg's Glazed Ring Donughts, or even my beloved Coca Cola and Milk (Cilk/Moca Mola). He's the one that has inspired me to eat well and be more active.

So just a little note to say thank you Shezzy! And well done!!! You've done amazingly and I'm sooo proud of you. And I love you lots =)

Now, a slightly sombre part of this post is to follow that high note. Patrick aka Patrizio, my soul mate that was my insulin pump, has sadly passed away. Last night whilst doing a set change, he started to play up and after ringing the helpline, I was told that he would need to be replaced. I am currently in a state of mourning, people. Yes, I have grown unbelievably attached to an electronic medical device. I never thought I'd utter those words in my life and yet here I am, typing them out in black and white for the whole world to see. I am officially a freak.

But it is surprising how attached one can get to something so non-human. I mean, I've had this guy attached to my stomach for 19 months. He's stayed by my side all day and all night without fail. I've got annoyed with his beeping, I've appreciated his warnings and reminders, and I've even talked to him. I can't even call 'him' 'it', even though I know he's more an 'it' than a 'him'. Does that make sense? Probably not. Sorry.

So today the delivery man came to give me my new pumps and to take Patrick away. I actually hesitated giving him to the delivery guy. But I was strong. I did it. Patrick is gone but never forgotten. He will always be my main dude and my first pump. Now I have this other one sat on my bed and I need to give him a name. Though in all honesty, I love the name 'Patrick' so much that I might just call this new one Patrick Jr. In memory of old Patrizio.

Though, to be honest, I think I reacted with more emotion to this situation than was necessary due to the way I was feeling before. I felt lonely. One of my beautiful friends got married last weekend. he wedding was spectacular and the bride looked absolutely gorgeous. I am so happy for them, I literally cannot stop a smile from breaking out now while I think of them on their special day.

But weddings, as lovely as they are, are the perfect thing to highlight the fact that you're single. And I couldn't help but feel this loneliness since then. I just felt so alone, even amongst my amazing friends! It's all so annoying and confusing. SO here I was, feeling alone and depressed and BAM! Patrick dies on me. I mean, come on! Not even a computer can put up with me for that long ='(

But meh, I suppose it's just one of those things. When a relationship happens, it happens. I just have to try not to mope about not being in one in the meantime.

So on that joy of a note, I shall say goodbye. I need to get ready to go and chill with one of my amazing girlies. Malibu and coke. . . here I come ;)

Oh and just a quick note to say thank you everyone!!! I have hit over 1,000 pageviews and that's all because of you beautiful people! I cannot express how much it builds my confidence and fills me with joy that I have people interested in my random ramblings! So thank you, thank you, thank you! You guys are amazing!!!

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

I Am Me. . . Not The Girl With Diabetes

Hello cupcakes! How are you all?

We have many reasons to celebrate today! The sun is out, the sky is clear, and we're alive. Yep. We are alive.

Those of you who don't me personally don't know this, but I have Type 1 Diabetes. I have had it for 12 and a half years now and, I'm not going to lie, at times it has wrecked my life. But I now have an Insulin Pump called Patrick. I decided that since the pump would be my life partner for the rest of my life, he needed a name. So I graced him with the name 'Patrick', kind of named after Patrick Star from SpongeBob. But I call him Patrizio when I'm feeling posh and/or Italian. He's been amazing in keeping my blood sugars under control. And to be honest, it beats injecting 4-8 times a day! No more bruises!

Just so you know, Type 1 Diabetes is completely different to Type 2. Whereas Type 2 is diet and obesity related, Type 1 is not. It is to do with a virus and genetics. There's nothing you can do to prevent it or cure it. Anyway, I've had Patrick for 18 months now and things were going perfectly. Then I had a bad blip, and now things are back to normal again and seem to be going smoothly.

However, I received some pretty startling news last Thursday when I went to see my Diabetes Consultant. My kidneys are leaking. So I seem to have the onset of Diabetic Nephropathy (or Kidney Disease). I won't know for sure how far along I am until my test results come back. However, this pretty much made my world come crashing down for a few days. Wow, how deep does that sound?! But it's how I felt, truth be told.

So I wallowed in the fact that 'leaky kidneys' was yet another thing to add to the list of things wrong with me. I felt sorry for myself and cried lots. And I was such a miserable person, which is very unlike me. But then realisation struck. . .

I am alive. I have access to medical care that isn't available to many people in other countries. I have a good, supportive family and amazing friends. My heart is still beating. What I have isn't terminal. I don't have Cancer. I don't have anything even close to that! I'm young. And I'm going to fight this 'til the end.

Don't get me wrong, I needed to wallow in my issues for a while. I needed to be treated delicately and I needed to feel sorry for myself for a few days. But that's it. That's all I really needed to do to snap back out of it. Us humans, we moan about so much. We worry about things that aren't even worth worrying about. We think our problems are the worst in the world. How wrong we are though.

There is always, always, someone going through so much worse than we are. I don't find that thought comforting at all. But it makes me look at my own issues in a different light and it helps me to put my own issues into perspective.

So even though I thought I was getting better but I'm evidently not, I'm not going to let this affect me too much. I mean, I'm going to try and live a healthier lifestyle which is beneficial regardless. But I'm not going to let this mess with my head too much. Whatever happens, happens. As long as I am surrounded by the people I love and cherish and am made to laugh more than I could possibly handle, well, I'll be happy =)

This brings me to the reason behind the title for this post. I want all my friends to know who I am. I want to be known for my personality: my weirdness, craziness, utter hilariousness ;) and just the girl who gets so excited over stupid things (sometimes I don't even know why I'm excited. Think of the whole "I'm so excited! Are you excited? Because I'm soooooo excited but I don't know why!" scenario). And the girl who talks so much that she actually gets out of breath. I kid you not. It's happened on numerous occasions. Especially when it comes to meeting people I don't know. I have two extremes; either I go mute or I talk wayyyy too much.

But anyway, I digress again. So I want to be known for all that. I don't want to be known as the girl with diabetes, bad health, ketones(!), kidney issues, and the like. Because that's not me. Its just stuff that's been pinned on me involuntarily.

So there. I feel better now I've got that off my chest. It's amazing how much writing can help clear your head.

Anyway, I hope you've kind of enjoyed this post. I apologise profusely for the intense 'emo' undertones. But yeah, have a good day people! Hope you're enjoying the sun as much as I am!!

Keep smiling folks!

Ditzy xXx

Friends, Firings, Fabulous Finds and Fantastic Matches

Hello guys! Hope you're all good!

So this past week has been mad! But in a good way. I was able to catch up with lots of friends who I hadn't seen in quite some time which was brilliant. Totes emotes that the weekend is over though, because I miss them all already! You all know who you are, my beautiful cupcakes! So the weekend was full of love, laughs, learning, and just pure amazing-ness!

Slightly sad news. . . Myles Mordaunt was fired from The Apprentice last week *sob sob*. Yes, the eye candy that was the Silver Surfer himself was let go from the show after, quite frankly, a shocking performance as Project Manager. I'm not normally so harsh. But it was actually really unnerving to see such a calm and collected man so. . . uncalm and uncollected. Also, I'm well aware that 'uncalm' isn't a word, but let's just ignore the angry red lines underneath it and stick with it.

But ever the gentleman, Myles held his own through the rollicking in the boardroom and accepted full responsibility. Also, when being interviewed on 'You're Fired', he didn't have a bad word to say about anyone. . . *sigh*. . . SUCH a gentleman =') But I do wish him all the very best in the future. He seems to be the perfect businessman but in his own area of expertise. So all the best! (Though I know Myles doesn't need my best wishes. He has his own website! Yes, when I say accomplished, I mean accomplished!)

http://mylesmordaunt.com/about  << See!!!

My latest Fabulous Finds include Gabrielle Aplin, who I love at the moment! I'm hoping to go and see her live soon! I actually have her album 'English Rain' playing in the background. It's so beautiful. Seriously. Really, really soothing. My fave song is Home, without a doubt. It's just perfect. The vocals, the lyrics, the tone. I love everything about it!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8mVbdjec0pA

Also, does anyone remember an old Garage tune called Sweet Like Chocolate by Shanks & Bigfoot (and vocals by Sharon Woolf, NOT Kylie Minogue, as someone once thought. . . If you're reading this, you know who you are =P).

Well, I found a revamp of the song by MNEK, an up and coming singer who is uh-mazing! Seriously check him out if you haven't heard him before, but I'm sure you probably have heard some of his stuff. He collaborated with the likes of Rudimental and Disclosure (both of whom I love!!!!!). But seriously, if you remember the song, check this out. He hasn't spoiled it or taken anything away. He's incorporated it into his own thing and I love love love it!!! Oh and it's called Sweet Fantasy =)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lswVZ9XOm58

And here is the original track by Shanks & Bigfoot. . .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHFFol-8REI

It's funny, that was the first ever single I bought as a kid. I listened to it all the time and even made up a dance routine to it haha. It's so good to hear it back again! Aww sweet memories! Even though stuff was messed up, I was completely unaware of the extent of it all. And that ignorance was indeed bliss.

So those have been my Fab Finds of the week.

Last but definitely not least is WIMBLEDON!!!! Have you guys been into it at all? I have. Massively. And I'd like to congratulate the amazing Andy Murray for winning the Men's Finals vs. Novak Djokovic. The first Brit to win Wimbledon in 77 years!!! What an amazing victory!

Kudos to Djokovic though. He fought hard 'til the end and made Andy work hard for the win! It was an uphill battle but our Andy did it. Well done!!!!

Oh and one last thing. A quick thank you to Sam Fender because he read my blog (I posted the link to it on his Facebook and he commented on it!). It means so much to me to have people read this or just have a gander. And he also interacts with his fans, which is so different from many other people rising to fame. So thanks Sam! =D

Ok cupcakes! I hope you've enjoyed reading this! Have a fabulous day in this fabulous weather! Let's hope the sun is here to stay for a while. And in the words of Labrinth. . .

"Let the sun shine, let the sun shine, baby, let it all go, just let it all go"

Yep. No matter what your age, gender, ethnicity, status, or disposition, stay young at heart, happy, and carefree. Let the sun shine, let it all go, and enjoy life!

Ditzy xXx

I'd Have a Google

Hello readers! I hope you're all good because I feel fab!

A bit of a weird title to this post, but you should be used to that by now. The inspiration to this post comes from none other than Samuel L Jackson. Yep. Shaft himself. Let me explain. . .

I was watching Samuel L Jackson being interviewed the other day on TV, along with the drop-dead-gorgeous, epitome of perfection that is Sandra Bullock (my brother would completely agree with this fact. . . Hi Shezzy!).

So anyway, they were talking about stars Google-ing themselves. And Mr Jackson outright admitted that he does Google himself. On numerous occasions. He was saying that whenever he has a film coming out, he will Google the reviews and get into chat room forums to debate with reviewers. Then they eventually realise, "Oh my word. It's SLJ!!! "

So this made me wonder if I would Google myself if I were ever famous. Fame is not an ambition of mine, but it's fun to think about. So many celebs say that they don't do it. And I'm sure many don't make a habit of it. But come on, if you were famous and everyone knew your name, surely you would have popped your name into Google at least once! Out of curiosity?

Heck, I'd Google my name all the time! In fact, I'd do it so many times that I'd probably make my name a trending topic on the 'net. I mean, no one would know it was just me Google-ing myself right? =P

Does that sound conceited? Meh, maybe it does. . . But we'll stick with it.

So, just a random thought really. Hope you're all having lovely days and that you have some sunshine where you are. If you do, please send some over to me!!! We need summer back!

Keep Smiling Folks!

Ditzy xXx

Goodbye College, Hello World!

Hello my little blog-reading-cupcakes! How are you all?

So I'm sat in Starbucks writing a post using my phone for the first time ever. I usually write posts on my laptop. At home. Usually while snugly wrapped in a duvet. But I was in town today and have some time to kill and I thought I'd go to Starbucks and start blogging, in the hope of fitting in here and looking like a real business woman. I mean, it would carry more weight if I had bought my laptop along with me but hey, I have enough weight to carry. Because I've stopped doing Insanity *sob sob*. Yep, it was just too hard. I didn't have the time, patience, or will to do it properly to be honest. But I am determined to do it one day. One day I shall conquer Insanity, Shaun T, and that bloomin' Tanya!!

Oh and in case you're wondering what I'm drinking whilst writing this post, it's a Mocha Cookie Crumble Frapaccino. And it's delicious! Ok so it IS cold outside and I DID plan on having a hot drink but the 'cookie crumble' bit caught my eye and everything else seemed incomparable.  So I'm freezing.  But it's worth it. And if I die of hypothermia today, at least I'll die happy. And full of cookies! AND chocolate.  That's got to be the best way to go, right? Full of the stuff you love.

Anyway I shall procrastinate no longer and get to the heart of this blog post. Ladles and Jellyspoons. . .I have finished college!!! Jai fini, finito, college mukagay (if you speak Panjabi). I am free!! I now have a BTEC Extended Diploma in Health & Social Care at Merit grade.  Which is equivalent to 3 A Levels at B grade. To be honest, I know I could have done better and got Distinction* (3 A*'s) but my health got in the way. But heyho, I'm happy!

So now I am looking for a job which is so exciting! The thought of my first payslip, earning my own money, being able to support myself properly. . . The excitement literally cannot be contained!! So please wish me all the best. Because I'm nervous! But excited all the same. Any hints, tips and insight into the World of Work would also be much appreciated!

I'd just like to take this opportunity to thank everyone at my college. I seriously had the best tutors anyone could ever ask for. That's such a cliché but it's honestly so true. I felt important at college and my tutors helped me to have confidence in my own abilities. Little nuggets of wisdom were given to me that I will keep close to my heart for years to come. Also, the jokes we had, teaching one of my tutors 'signs from da hood', getting into some pretty heavy debates, getting some amazing advice for the future,  exchanging cake decorating ideas, exchanging beauty advice.    . The works! It was all so fun and so memorable. And I cheekily wrote the address to this blog in some cards that I gave to certain tutors so if you're reading this, it's not entirely in vain. You know who you all are.

My college mates! I will never forget our crazy times together! The endless laughs, the half hearted goss, the fun, the winding each other up and the amazing chats about food! I shall miss it all! Some of you are going to uni, some are going on to do other courses and some are working.  You guys are seriously all amazing!! And I'm so glad I did this course. Because if I didn't,  I wouldn't have met such amazing, crazy, and some just downright annoying people who I love! I know most of us will keep in touch but still!

Also the college dinner ladies! You were all so sweet. One in particular always used to give me a bit extra curry/pasta/whatever I was having. And we always had a laugh. They shall be missed! And so will the amazing carrot cake that they used to make. But that's beside the point.

Finally, someone who I know will probably never read this blog because he doesn't know about it. He also probably doesn't even remember me. But he was someone who worked at my local Connexions office (when Connexions was still around!). When I finished school, I didn't know what to do with my life. I knew a little British Sign Language and wanted to be an interpreter but there were no sign language courses that I could join in my area. So I went to Connexions to see if they could give me some direction. Bare in mind I was taught at home since year 8 at school and I had no GCSE's.

So I saw an advisor who advised me to go onto a Health and Social Care course at the local college because they might touch on sign language a little. This was at the end of August so deadlines for college applications were approaching or had already passed. But he let me fill out an application.  I was nervous about what to write in the box where you had to state why you wanted to get onto the course. But I filled it to the best of my ability. When the advisor came back, he read my application and chuckled to himself. This got me worried and I think he saw this on my face. And with that he said something I will never, ever forget . .

"I have high hopes for you".

Well my confidence soared and I never looked back! He said he worked at the college and would hand the application in personally and put in a good word for me. Which he must have done because I was accepted onto the course. I never saw him again. And I don't know where to find him. Because I'd love to just thank him for his support and advice. And also tell him what qualifications this girl with no GCSE's now has. I reckon he'd be pleased. But ultimately I just want to thank him. Because it's partly because of him that I am where I am today. So thank you kind sir!

Anyway, I'm pretty much done with the thank you's. And I reckon the Starbucks staff are going to kick me out soon. So I'd better jet.

But thank you for reading this people! I really cannot express how much I appreciate your views! Oh dear. . . All these thank you's are totes emotes! I'm going to start welling up in this cafe! Help!

Have a good day cupcakes!

Keep Smeating!!

Ditzy xXx

I'm Covering My Ears Like a Kid. . . Because I Need Sunshine. . .

Hello there fellow crazy people!

How are you all today? So, you might recognise the lyrics above. They're taken from two different songs:

La La La by Naughty Boy ft. Sam Smith

and

I Need by Maverick Sabre

Quite deep lyrics really and not the usual happy stuff that my blog posts usually consist of. But I thought I would publish this post anyway.

So I've been in a bit of a dark place recently but don't worry, I shall refrain from going into it. However, I will say this. . .

"Negativity is the first step onto the path of destruction." (I made that quote up. And yes, I'm proud of it).

Yes ladies and gentlemen, negativity is a very bad thing. Obviously. Otherwise it wouldn't be called negativity. But anyway, what I'm trying to say is when someone tries to put you down, cover your ears. Yes, literally, cover your ears like a kid. Walk away. And find someone worth spending time with.

Most of us have at least one person there who really, truly cares for us. Yet we can be so wrapped up in our problems, so focused on getting others to try and care, that we lose sight of the ones that actually want to help us and want us to fare well. Why do we waste our time on those that don't care? Those that never will? Why do we continue to ignore the ones that love us?

Then there are those who pretend to care. They offer empty words that actually have demeaning undertones. And the annoying thing is, we know this. We know the 'advice' they give isn't real advice. We feel the bite more than we feel the so-called positive remarks. And yet we continue to stick by these ones, when we know that they'll drop us when they find something/someone better.

So people, Naughty Boy and Sam Smith have it covered. This is what we need to do when it comes to negativity. . .

"I'm covering my ears like a kid
When your words mean nothing, I go la la la
I'm turning off the volume when you speak
Cause if my heart can't stop it, I found a way to block it, I go
La la, la la la...
La la, la la la...
I found a way to block it, I go
La la, la la la...
La la, la la la..."

Now, correct me if I'm wrong but I think I speak for all of us when I quote Maverick Sabre here. . .

"I need sunshine, I need angels, I need
Something good, yeah I need
Blue skies, I need them old times,

I need something good"

Because we all deserve something good. We all deserve sunshine and blue skies (yes, even us Brits need these things. . . take note Weather!!!). We all need something good in our lives. So why oh why waste our time on those that try to drag us down. Just focus on the ones that care, the ones that love, and the stuff that makes YOU happy. Because that's all we need. . . Something good.

So again, this is supposed to be motivational with positive undertones. Not sure if that's coming across. But I'm back in my happy place! And I hope you all are too. And those who aren't, I hope you'll join me on the road to happy. Because it's a nice place to be =)

So guys, I shall see you soon. I have a rather inviting mound of coursework to get through. And then I shall munch. On some salad leaves. In my happy place. . .

Keep Smeating folks!

Ditzy xXx

P.S. . . If you find it difficult to find your happy place. . . Just imagine a T-Rex trying to clap his hands. . .


Source: www.flickr.com
I have a top with this printed on it haha.

Let's all take a moment to appreciate the fact that we can clap our hands. Sing it with me peeps. . . I just wanna hear you clap again, clap clap again. . . =P